Added: Shronda Winder - Date: 19.12.2021 21:32 - Views: 27965 - Clicks: 2008
The short answer is simply, Yes. Mature Men can experience sexual attraction and still honor healthy boundaries with women. Unfortunately, so many adult males are stuck in a perpetual adolescence. Anyone see similarities between toddlers and US Congressmen? Of course many grown men have learned how to be respectful human beings, as well as veritable mature men in various aspects of their lives such as career and fatherhoodbut fewer of us ever really learn how to be mature masculine Men in relationship to feminine Women with whom we experience strong sexual attractions.
I have been confused for 20 years. And I never even knew it. So it owns us. The basic story culture teaches me from birth is that I was born an uncontrollable ravenous shark in a pool filled with tasty guppies. Then I was left on my own to unravel this dilemma while living inside a sexually charged body ready to pound the bottom out of a boat with every erection.
For most of my life, whenever confronted with intense sexual experiences in my body, I would usually choose the easiest of shame, sex or masturbation as my main options for quickly dealing with it. No one ever taught me how to wield my sexual energy in intentional, respectful ways; how to direct it constructively.
Most men never learn this. As long as a man is owned by his sexual energy, he remains stuck in sexual adolescence. Unfortunately this kind of man is all too common in our world, which drives attractive, intelligent women on Facebook to post frustrated public denunciations like the recent one my FB friend wrote:. But when a Man matures by learning how to be intentional with his sexual energy and not slave to it, he embodies the essence of what author Byron Katie wrote:.
In his book, Intimate CommunionDavid Deida talks about the three separate elements of the intimate experience: love, romance, and polarity sexual energy. Like adolescent teens confused about the rich new experiences happening in their bodies, most men still confuse sexual polarity with romantic love. Such lust-love thoughts tempt me all the time in the presence of attractive women.
But such thoughts are mostly merely mental leakage from my lizard brain. Why do you think urgent flash-in-the-pan sex often le to short-lasting flash-in-the-pan relationships? While genuine romantic love is fairly elusive, men can experience sexual polarity with different women … every … single … day.
Polarity attraction happens. In the grocery store. At the DMV. In our cars. At the bars. On a plane. In a rocket ship … to the stars. Sadly, many immature men intentionally use this polarity-love confusion to manipulate women into sex. Such immature men help confuse the trust right out of women.
For us to become mature men, we must learn to distinguish this sexual polarity energy from both romantic love and our deeper authentic love. We must stop manipulating women into false romances fueled only by sexual energy. And we must gain some level of mastery around how we ultimately wield that sexual energy. We place far less value on the feminine gifts of consensus building, intuition and heart-centered thinking, holistic well-being, beauty for its own sake, emotions and vulnerability.
Until we silly men fully honor and understand that feminine wisdom is as essential as masculine wisdom to the healthy functioning of the world, we will not be able to fully respect the boundaries of our hot female friends. We will continue exploiting weakness in their defenses, whether with subtle manipulation or actual violence.
We believe we are supposed to act on our feelings, even if that means forcibly suppressing or drowning them in addictions. We are compelled to take whatever action will get us most quickly away from our discomfort. We do not know how to simply be with awkward truths, nor do we know how to express them without playing for an outcome. Which is how adolescent boys behave. Even with other men. Imagine a world where Men could differentiate between sexual energy, romance and pure love; and where he could acknowledge this openly, without shame, to the women in his world who would appreciate his honesty.
Imagine a world where Men could breathe into their sexual energy and simply enjoy their own erections without always having to do something with them. Imagine a world where Men knew how to be vulnerable with their deepest truths, their joys and their sorrows, and could easily share them with women and men without manipulating for an outcome in the sharing. Are you ready to do LOVE better?
Reblogged this on pnyakio. Well, when you have been raised by two alpha males who taught you instilled it in you to take it like a man I guess that explains of my perspective. Just my two cents but thanks for making me smile again anyway. OMG, I would so love to have a real conversation with you about this…and about my own discoveries and questions as I grapple with maturity and immaturity in my own feminine sexuality.
Having been either married, divorced—or immediately in relationship and then eventually married again 3 times since the age of 19, I was astonished to find myself after all the learning, changing, growing, trying, stretching, risking, etc. Then, after At the age of 49 I decided to spend at least a year intentionally staying single. Although sex was quite limited, that did not necessarily mean complete celibacy. I felt that might be too easy for me to hide behind. I committed to stay fully present to all my feelings…and if I got involved romantically or sexually, to use as much compassion and wisdom as I could regarding the feelings and maturity of the other…and to expressing my sexually and intentions as honestly, clearly and responsibly as possible.
And no matter what form the connections arise in…a dance, a friendship— whether masculine or feminine, my family, a kiss, a conversation, a flash in the pan…or a friends with benefits exploration. There have been joys and heartbreaks. But I can see the possibility of wanting to explore a committed relationship of some form in the near future…and that brings up a million questions of how I might manage to share myself—all of myself— in all my open hearted lovingness and freedom.
Going into relationship from here…well…I have no idea…no map…Which is just fine actually, but uncharted territory is always both terrifying and exciting! Relationship is not what I used to think it was… And what it is is yet to be discovered. But having a conversation with someone of the opposite sex with similar experiences and questions seems like an amazing idea!
I invite you to experience a powerful coaching conversation with me around this. I get to live my dreams by helping other people live theirs … even as those dreams shift and change, and dreams always do. Love this Bryan!! I appreciate the enormous courage to share like this.
I sense some mysandric overtones.
Were these conscious and intentional on your part? They resonate with my immature feminine. With a feminist. And this is a bid to impress her. Thanks Matt. I appreciate your insight on this. My intention with so much of my work and writing is really showing where men myself included can work on growing into a more responsible way of being on the planet. The stakes are pretty high. Countless times. I know plenty of men who have. I stand by that one. Us men need to look that one straight in the face and deal with it honestly and courageously.
Interesting how men go there. Matt, I really appreciate you adding your voice to the conversation. This is really healthy dialogue. She chooses him or not from her own criteria. Usually she knows if she wants to sleep with him within a minute but may change her mind should new information come to her attention, 2 Feminists by nature are not terribly impressed by men and are more turned off if any man even dare tries, and 3 very few men can manipulate a woman into sex using polarity.
Both genders can turn up or down a masculine or feminine essence at will. Some are more skilled at this than others. Immature men use words to manipulate because they lack the mature understanding of the physics of polarity. Mature men are aware of the polarity enough to be able to withstand its attraction generating ability without acting on it like they are on automatic. My standpoint is no because such situations in my observation and experience seem fraught with too much drama potential.Man looking for a friends female
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